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The back-to-school season often comes with a mix of anticipation, stress, and pressure, for both kids and adults alike. Between buying supplies, adjusting to new schedules, and managing emotions, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It doesn’t have to be chaotic though! Below, we’ve comprised some suggestions to help you and your children adjust to back-to-school season smoother. With a little intentionality and compassion for yourself and your children, you can better ease into the school year without burning out.

It’s Normal to Have Mixed Emotions

Two (or more) things can be true at once. If there is a mix of excitement, nervousness, relief, or any other emotion surrounding the return to school, this is completely normal. All of these emotions can all co-exist at the same time. For you and your children, it is understandable to have mixed emotions as the school year approaches and routines adjust.

As a parent, do your best to normalize the transition for both you and your children. If you find your children angry or “acting out” take this as an opportunity to have an open discussion. This discussion can include how your child is feeling without needing to fix or minimize their emotions. It can also include offering reassurance. Your children who may not be going to school yet may feel the shift too as this is a time of adjustment for everyone.

For many young children, their developmental abilities are more limited so they may not be able to verbalize how they are feeling and turn to behaviours to express their emotions instead. It’s fair for your child to feel upset with the incoming change so do your best to validate their emotions and offer genuine reassurance.

It can also help your child to imagine what being at school will be like. They may also just have questions about what going to school is like. Do your best to offer them an idea of what school may look like. This may help them feel more at east. If your child is experiencing some anxiety with returning to school consider checking out this link.

For both you and your children, normalize that it’s okay to not feel 100% “ready” for school to start! Emotional flexibility is key to approaching back-to-school season.

If you find your children are feeling especially nervous, consider planning something your child can look forward to after school. For example, doing a craft together while you ask them about their day. These small moments can be something your child (and you!) can look forward to.

Adjusting to a New Rhythm Gradually as a Family

Starting with sleep, it’s recommended that you begin to adjust bedtime routines ideally at least 10 days before school starts. This includes building a routine such as packing lunches together, picking out what they’re going to wear with them the night before, quiet reading time before bed, and more. Practice fostering independence within routines when appropriate for your children so you can empower them and help them build confidence. Children often do great with routine and ensuring regular sleep and wake times has been linked to better working memory and attention. For more on sleep, consider checking out our Taking Care of Your Sleep blog post for Practical Tips and Tricks.

Gradually reintroduce structure to meals, screen time, and chores. It can be very difficult for children to jump from a routine (or lack of routine) that they got used to in the summer time to a rigid schedule overnight. Slowly get your children’s help with meal planning and preparation if they’re old enough to help. Consider checking out age-appropriate meal planning and preparing tasks here. For a variety of dinner ideas to avoid decision fatigue when deciding what to cook, check out this link. Start verbally setting time limits with screen time and setting timers on their devices as well. Begin adding chores over a period of time as well, instead of expecting a quick change.

Consider building a checklist together of the responsibilities your child will have going forward. Children love to practice using their decision-making skills so have a conversation with your children about what they think their daily routine should include on a school day.

Within the early weeks of back-to-school season, build in “buffer” time after school. Don’t overbook children with extracurriculars right away! As we’ll discuss further below, it can take weeks to months for children to really adjust to new routines.

Setting Boundaries Early

Whether it’s rules around TV and other electronic use, homework, or family responsibilities, make sure you are setting boundaries early. Children pushing boundaries is a normal part of development, especially for preschool aged children. It’s a way for them to learn about rules, consequences, and test the limits of their independence. Setting boundaries early and sticking with them sets a firm line in the sand that your children may be better able to adjust to.

Additionally, for yourself and the wellbeing of your children, don’t be afraid to say no to commitments that may add stress to your household, especially in the early weeks of school.

It may also be useful and important to communicate with teachers and others who work at your child’s school about your child’s needs and your family values if applicable. Young children are not able to adequately advocate for themselves so you must be their voice in certain situations.

Create Physical and Mental Space for Rest

Alongside establishing boundaries and adjusting to new rhythms, it is important to establish self-care routines early for you and your family. In prioritizing self-care you are not only modeling positive care for your children but also helps you build resiliency. It can be helpful to have open conversations with children about self-care. This can include what it is, and how they can practice it. Self-care is often viewed as a protective factor against certain mental health issues as well as general stress and feelings of burnout. For more on self-care, check out our blog post here.

It can be beneficial to designate a clutter-free space in your home for you and your children to decompress in. In addition to this, encourage downtown after school. Not every moment needs to be productive or have you on the go. Normalize telling your children (and yourself) “we’re resting tonight” every once in a while for an opportunity to recharge. As a parent, do your best to model the prioritization of rest without guilt to teach your children from a young age that self-care is never selfish.

Prepare in Advance but Hold Space for Discussion too

As briefly mentioned throughout this blog post, it can be greatly beneficial to involve your children in shaping different aspects of their routine. While you plan for the back-to-school season, do back-to-school shopping, and plan lunches, extracurricular, and more, involve your kids in the process to build excitement and foster autonomy.

Alongside planning, make sure you are still leaving space for flexibility and adjustment! Sometimes life happens and certain things take longer (or shorter) than you had initially thought they would have. When this happens, do you best to pivot into a new direction. Deliberately leaving some extra room just in case things do take longer can help limit stress down the road.

Make sure your children are also aware of your contact information as well as who else they can talk to if there’s an emergency. Educate your children on road safety as well as safe vs. unsafe adults.

Model Emotional Regulation

When regulating your emotions in the moment, there are a few things you can try. For example:

• Mindfulness, grounding work, and practicing deep breathing
• Count to ten!
• Practice controlled self-talk, or talk yourself through how you’re feeling out loud as well
• Visualize a calm environment, or visualize your body becoming calm

As a parent, co-regulation can also often come into play with children as well. Co-regulation is the finding that one nervous system can calm the other. In addition to genuinely being calm through things such as breathing exercises or other grounding techniques, you can also help co-regulate others through the body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice you use. Do your best to talk in a soothing voice to gradually bring your children down to your level. React to their nonverbal communication and mirror their body language as well.

Focus on Transitions, Not Just the First Day

While the first day of school is often anticipated and given lots of attention, the actual transition of going back to school can last weeks or even months. Continually check in with how you and your children are doing during the second and third weeks of school when novelty has worn off and routines are still forming.

Watch for delayed emotional reactions in your children. Some children may hold it together while at school and surrounded by peers but fall apart at home. Again, this is an opportunity to offer your children comfort, validating their feelings and checking in to what you can do to support them. Sometimes, your children may just need a listening ear to talk about their emotions.

Celebrate the Small Things!

It’s important throughout the school year to celebrate small wins to help build your child’s confidence. Celebrate when they make a new friend at school, pack their lunch on their own, or try something new!

For more mental health blog posts from McKinney Psychology, follow this link!